A HTHT Moment with Raymond

Raymond came to join us after CG meeting for fellowship.

After sending Esther home, I had a heart to heart talk moment with Raymond, one of my closest bro in the cell group. We were sitting on the benches downstairs his block and we began talking.

We started addressing the issues that I am facing currently. Apparently, from my understanding, Joeann who has been concerned about me brought up about my recent easy flare ups whenever I am with the cell group. I shared with him my side of the story and he started telling me about what the others were letting him know.

To conclude, these were the takeaways I had through my HTHT moment with him.

Firstly, he mentioned that I had to learn how to love myself more. Love myself by appreciating myself more and respecting myself more. He told me that over the past almost 2 years of my life since I had came back from Australia, I had been myself all along. I still share about my goals, dreams and visions, I still do what I had to do, I am still the same. But however, I had been really upset with myself, I hated myself and I felt extremely useless. At the end of the day, because of my own guilt and bitterness I had inside of me, I ended up being really hot-tempered. I became someone who got angry so easily with other people, just because I was angry with myself for not being able to do anything with my current situation.

He shared with me about learning to love myself more. I have to learn how to appreciate myself. I have to learn how to respect myself. Only if I had learn how to love, appreciate and respect myself, then I can learn to love, appreciate and respect others and at the end, gained back their love and respect for me. He encouraged me to talk positive things to myself everyday. I got to learn to rely on myself and be more independent even more, especially in the area of my over-reliance to people around me. I have to learn to trust myself more. I have to learn how to be more secure and my security can only be found in God. God is the only person in the world who will never ever let me down. I have to learn to find something to thank God for in my life every single day. After that, only then I will be able to be appreciative of the people around me and only then people will be appreciative towards me and I myself from there, will be able to see the positive side of a myself as a person.

Secondly, he taught me about setting goals in life. 2 kinds of them. Long term and short term. Set weekly goals followed by a longer term and finally, goals that you will want to see yourself achieving in the many years ahead. Sooner or later, before you know it, each weekly goals you set will eventually lead you to your ultimate goal which you had set for yourself maybe even decades in advance. I admit, since 2012 started, I have gave a thought to many things I would like to achieve, however, it is the month of May now and I have yet to really pen down my goals as well as putting in an effort even, to try to make things happen. I suppose, it really is time now to start penning those goals down and making things happen!!

Lastly, he reminded me of myself and who I really am. He reminded me that I used to be someone who's really self-motivated, someone who's kind, someone who's always there for everyone, someone who has goals, dreams and visions in life. He told me that I am someone who's really focus and knows what I really want in life. I do agree that I really used to be like this. As for my current situation, I personally have given up on myself and because of that, I assume that everyone has given up on me. Because afterall, at the end of the day, everyone and anyone can tell you anything, but the ultimate decision lies totally in you. As for me now, I personally have totally given up on myself and therefore, whatever people say to me, will just end up being words that I turn a deaf ear to. Time to forgive myself, and be back to the Benjamin that everyone who used to know. One who is self-motivated, one who is kind, one who is always there and extremely strong for others around him and of course, one who is fully secure in God. I can't let these 2 dumb years overwrite my past 19 years of excellence and success. I suppose Raymond is right. Whatever success I have seen and experienced back then is history and is just minimal of what God has for me. God indeed has so much greater plans for me!! AMEN TO THAT =)

Time to sit down, start penning down my action plans. It time to start to penning down my thoughts and time
to get some action plan started. I can't wait to be the same old me or hopefully a better me once again =) Time to love myself more and show appreciation to everyone around me. God, I can't do this on my own, I need you, please help me and remind me k? =)

To end, thank God for such an awesome bro in my life. I love you bro =)